By Roger Smith, Town of Holbrooke, @pencakespost

Voters in the Town of Holbrooke declared that no one is fit to be mayor. Winning by 3,239 votes was the write-in candidate: “Nobody”. Incumbent Mayor Tanya Smith received 893 votes, while her opponent, local business owner James Nice, received 515 votes. This shocking outcome rocked the state of Wyoming.

“Both candidates are pretty awful. Mayor Smith is a compulsive liar. Jim Nice should change his last name to Mean. Holbrooke deserves better,” long-time resident Larry Brown commented.

We reached out to Mayor Smith’s campaign for comment. We were told that Mayor Smith was busy on government business out of state and will deliver a speech upon her return. Our investigative journalist Todd Stoker discovered that Mayor Smith is, indeed, on business: a tax-payer funded all-inclusive vacation at the Four Seasons Resort near Fort Myers, Florida.

Candidate Jim Nice agreed to meet us at his business, Main Street Pizza Parlor. When asked about his defeat, he said it did not bother him. We went to pay for our $2 pizza slice and discovered the new charge was $20 per slice.

“Why the sudden price hike?” my editor asked.

“I said there would be rampant inflation if I lost the election,” Mr. Nice answered.

City Ordinance 13, Section 4, states: ‘The office of the Mayor shall be filled by the candidate duly elected by the voters of the municipality. Elections shall be conducted until a candidate is selected who receives a majority of the votes cast, thereby securing the office of Mayor.’

“We’ll just keep voting ‘Nobody’ until a better candidate joins the competition,” resident Holly Walker said.

Resident Mike Jaffers suggested an alternative: nominating his golden retriever Scooter for mayor. “City ordinances do not specify whether the candidate must be human or dog.”

Many residents are on board with this idea, with signs reading SCOOTER FOR RULER popping up in lawns. City Clerk Wilma Reed said: “I don’t see the problem with Scooter running for Mayor. Legally, it is okay. The question is if it is ethically or functionally okay.”

The City of Holbrooke will hold another election in December. It is yet confirmed if Scooter will be a legitimate candidate for Mayor. Mr. James Nice suspended his campaign and filed bankruptcy. If uncontested, Mayor Tanya Smith will serve a third consecutive term as Mayor of the City of Holbrooke.

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Roger Smith is a native of the City of Holbrook who lives on a small dairy farm with his wife and 11 children. He has never ventured further than 20 miles from Holbrooke. His life goal is to happily die in the same farm house he was born.